Weaponize our kids and we could vaccinate the country by Easter, say parents

WHITSTABLE, KENT — That’s the exciting plan put forward by concerned parents who want to arm kids with vaccine dart guns and put to use skills they’ve been developing in their bedrooms for months.

“It will free teacher time, safeguard children’s mental health, and end lockdown by Easter,” said mother of two Sally Roberts, from Seasalter, who’s behind the idea.

The project nicknamed “Aim High,” would weaponizes each child with a plastic gun loaded with darts. Each would contain a single dose of the Covid-19 vaccine.

Generation Zoom would then be set loose on the community, encouraged by house points to target the elderly first.

“The most vulnerable groups are slower moving around so even nursery-aged militia members have every chance of scoring direct hits. That protects both the target and the child’s self-esteem.

Older children would be free to hunt down the more agile members of the community. The all-important second dose would be delivered by Coup de Grace.

Roberts was clear on the many benefits.

“Parents get a well-earned break, and children will have less time to develop the kind of mental health problems they’ll blame us parents for several years from now.”

It’s thought the plan would help children brush up on geography, maths, biology, and physical education.

“Maybe not. But it can’t be any worse than what they’re getting now,” added Roberts.

Supporters have also pointed out the plan equips the next generation with the skills needed for the delivery jobs the lockdown economy will have waiting for them when they finish formal education.

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Roberts, pictured here on an “Aim High” training exercise with husband John, daughter Lucy (8), and Daniel (6).

Rolled out across the nation’s town and cities, Aim High would provide a dose of excitement to millions confined to once-a-day exercise, and a dose of Astra Zeneca to those ambushed by a Year 9 Religious Education class outside the Post Office.

And the sheer numbers make it fast.

Roberts estimates children could have their neighborhoods vaccinated by next weekend, and the whole country before the Easter holidays.

Then it could bring into view even bigger plans.

“Building on that success we could undertake a full land invasion of France by the Easter holidays. It would be the world’s biggest field trip and the kids would be out of the house for weeks.”

Author: Editor

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